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(no subject)  
09:20pm 12/09/2011
If I break my body, will my mind be free?
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(no subject)  
06:57am 19/08/2011
What the hell was I thinking?
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(no subject)  
09:07am 14/08/2011
None of this is as much fun without Joseph.

I don't want to be the practical, intelligent girl that knows thats beyond stupid to stay together. I want to be impulsive and idiotic. I want to follow him across the country because I just want to be close to him.

But I can't cause, you know, I'm supposed to be ambitious and independent and pursue my own dreams before anything else.

Its so hard to focus on my so-called ambitions anymore.
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(no subject)  
04:13pm 30/06/2011
Well, this fucking sucks. Why didn't we just break up before Australia. Now I have to go down to shitty L.A. for a stupid trip thats going to end a break up.

Fucking brilliant.
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(no subject)  
11:20pm 20/05/2011
Why does my choice not to drink at parties or get drunk make me a social outcast? Why the fuck do you feel the need to put me down just cause I want water and not beer?
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Dorkiest gift ever  
09:37pm 14/05/2011
So I wrote Joseph a poem as part of his birthday present. A silly limerick actually. Its super dorky but I'm rather proud. So enjoy:

There once was a girl named Lauren.
Whose boyfriend decided to go someplace foreign.
So he got on a plane, and to Australia he flew,
And poor Lauren just didn't know what to do.
She had no homework to finish,
Or goals to accomplish.
And she was so bored to tears,
That some days simply felt like years.

So she sat herself down and thought to herself "Hey,
I'll make him something nice for his birthday!"
For though he ditched her for Down Under,
He wrote her (almost) everyday to tell her he loved her.
Lauren decided to forgive him,
And even write him this birthday poem,
To let him know how much she really loved him.
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(no subject)  
10:10pm 28/03/2011
This is a lot tougher than I anticipated. Joseph is in Australia, without a phone, and largely without internet access. I haven't heard from him in 3 days...

So, I'm stuck here in Santa Cruz which I've come to more or less hate. I am at a loss of what to do and its pathetic. I had no idea how much I rely on him to keep me sane. Its like I'm missing a part of myself. I have no one to text all my thoughts to or share my day with at night. No one to cook for or cuddle with. Sheesh, I sound ridiculous.

We've spent the last two summers apart, mostly without contact. He worked at a camp with limited internet and no phone reception. But somehow this is different. I almost feel broken up. At least during the summer I had my own thing going and lived with my parents. This

And then he comes back in July...for a month...then he goes off to that damn camp again for a year. Its the one place that I literally cannot follow him. Hell, I could more easily go to Australia or the east coast or Europe than Catalina. I can't afford to live there and wouldn't be able to find a job besides.

I just wonder what the point is now. I feel like maybe I should just make a clean break but I don't know if I could give him up.

I just don't want to be here. I want to go home to my parents and my cat and the boxer that we inherited and I've sort of fallen in love with.

As pathetic of a rant as that was, I do have good news. I'm done with college. I finished Summa Cum Laude and highest honors in the major. I have a good paying job right out of school (I'm a T.A. for cancer cell biology). And my parents are getting me a new computer for a graduation gift.

So its bittersweet. I mostly feel the bitter but I'll try to focus on the sweet
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(no subject)  
08:16pm 17/03/2011

I am no longer an undergrad!


Now....for alcohol, ice cream, and Disneyland!
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(no subject)  
06:00pm 16/02/2011
I wish I had figured out soon that, though I like the theoretical part of my field, I abhor the practical stuff that I would actually be doing....

Bench work sucks.

And so do the post-docs who have their heads shoved up their asses.
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Rough day...  
11:15pm 27/01/2011
I am happier in a world thats not my own. I think I love reading because I am tired of who I am. I'd rather be some one else. Someone fictional...
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